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The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality
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What if you weren't sexually attracted to anyone?
A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren't sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation - like gay, straight, or bisexual.
Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that "everyone" wants sex, that "everyone" understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that "everyone" wants to date and mate. But that's where asexual people are left out - they don't find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that's okay.
When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as "asexual". Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.
In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 8 hours and 39 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Audible Studios
Audible.com Release Date: September 2, 2014
Language: English, English
ASIN: B00MR9SJJG
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
This is an invaluable book for learning about asexuality. It's very easy to feel confusion about human sexuality whether it's your own or someone else. It can feel awkward or indecent to discuss openly and so valid differences never really get addressed. This is especially the case if it's an orientation that rarely gets acknowledged to boot.This book introduces the basics of asexuality and is split into six categories outside the introduction: Asexuality 101, Asexual Experiences, The Many Myths of Asexuality, If You're Asexual (or Think You Might Be), If Someone You Know Is Asexual (or Might Be), and Other Resources. It covers a lot of ground without getting too detailed for someone just learning about it. Keep in mind this book assumes that the reader has a basic familiarity with LGBT issues and it isn't afraid to be frank in its discussion about sex. Some information is repeated throughout the book since it's written with the idea that someone will go to whichever chapter bears most relevance to them first, so you don't absolutely have to go from cover to cover.My one minor critique is that I would have liked it to go into even more depth on sex repulsion, sex positivity, what those terms do and don't mean, and just how this can effect an asexual person specifically. Granted, this is supposed to be an introduction and it touches briefly on these subjects, so I don't know how fair a critique about wanting more details out of an introductory book is.I also would have liked more examples of exclusively good elements to being asexual if that makes sense. This is done to some degree with references to asexual characters in media and famous people who identify as asexual, which were welcome additions to see. However, I think it's important to note that the fact that this book addresses the "negative" side to being ace is because disparaging remarks about asexuality or plain old misunderstandings are a genuine thing asexual people face. It's important to bear in mind that The Invisible Orientation goes out of its way to empower an asexual individual no matter what the scenario is and especially the more difficult ones, however. The chapter "Other Resources" also provides some excellent resources to connect with with other asexual people and their allies.I think this book will answer more questions than not and is written in an understanding and compassionate way. Highly recommended for anyone who is struggling with being asexual, someone who knows someone who is struggling with it, and anyone who simply wants to broaden their understanding of these issues. I hope more books on asexuality and asexual experiences will follow both from this author and from others.
Just realized I was an asexual but never knew there was even such a thing. My doctor recommended this book. It has loads of information along with an index of terms, definitions and websites. You will learn a lot from this book if you are asexual, a parent of friend of an ace or just wondering what it is all about.
I am asexual, and when I was first figuring out my orientation, I searched high and low to find a nonfiction title with information a little more authoritative than the random Reddit posts and Wikipedia articles and YouTube videos I found describing my newfound identity. This is pretty much the only book out there. But don't be discouraged! It's a good first primer for anyone new to asexuality, whether they identify that way or know someone else who does. It covers the basics but also talks about more of the details for those who are interested in more. It answers questions. It provides resources. It has a TOC and an index, and it includes notes and references to scientific studies when applicable. And it's written by someone who self-identifies as asexual, so that's also a point in its favor.I'm a leader for an asexual group, and I come across many people who are new to asexuality either because they're still figuring out their own orientation or because they're outside the ace community but they've heard about asexuality and need more and better information about it. This is the book I recommend to all of them.
Interesting premise and the author is clearly knowledgeable about the subject. That said, this book needs an editor. I felt like it was too long and kept up with examples and commentary when the main point had been made repeatedly. If you don't like classifying people you will get confused and the very granular level at which this describes people's orientations.This is important work and I hope Ms. Decker continues to write on the subject as this orientation becomes more understood.
I used to introduce myself, when someone inquired, whichwas not often as "Bisexual by nature, Asexual by choice, becuse, although in my youth I had experimented with the various possibilities, I'm currently in my late 50's and never had on orgasm. This book is teaching me that it ISN'T something to hide away, it's just how I am. (I am also convinced that my late father passed this one down to me, along with several other genetic traits.) But that's okay, it's all me, and maybe, just maybe, I' m not needing to fix it. I really like that idea.
I think I’m going to have to make this one mandatory reading for the important people in my life. Despite some repetition, particularly through the section on the asexual community’s experience trying to integrate into existing queer spaces, it’s still pretty comprehensive in its discussion of what asexuality is and how allies can support people with that identity.
This book was very informational for someone like myself seeking guidance on being in a relationship with someone asexual. People dismiss this and say it doesn't exist; but, believe me, it does. I was able to identify with a lot of it and I'm grateful the book was such an easy read.
This was a great intro to asexuality, what it is, its relation to the LGBTQ community, and most importantly, the way asexual people see themselves and how others see them. Its important to realize asexuality is just that, a sexuality just as valid as any other and this book is excellent at making this point.
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